I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
