i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She even gives head with a lisp.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
