She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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