there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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