with your own penis?
Having a random hookup so left but love u
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
