Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
