I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
