My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
