saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
