my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
