In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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