I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
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I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
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So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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