craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
