I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize