I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Randomize
