shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
