I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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