i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
