apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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