I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
