i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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