apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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