So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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