i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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