She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
