you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
