Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i think my cat just said my name.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
