he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
