This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
