There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
