News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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