I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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