i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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