apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
