I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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