Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
