i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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