Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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