Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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