She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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