If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
where am i from again
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
