when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
