if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize