D3 body, D1 cock
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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