maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
