We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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