im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize