so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
