Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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