My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
