My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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