Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
