We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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