I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
