Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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