non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
