just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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