I can't watch pbs sober anymore
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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