soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
