my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
