If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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