we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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