the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
