I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
