ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
