I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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