It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
can u get pink eye on your cock?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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