i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
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Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
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Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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