A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she pinky promised me she was 18
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
